Understanding Your Spouse’s Emotions

For a stronger marriage, ask yourself, “What’s my EQ?”

Your IQ is a measure of your intelligence. Your EQ is a measure of your “emotional intelligence.”

The term “EQ” was coined in 1995 by Daniel Goleman, who first applied the concept to businessmen and businesswomen. As he defined it, emotional intelligence is the degree to which you are able to make healthy relational choices based on your understanding of your emotions and the emotions of those around you. The concept eventually spilled outside of the business world into other arenas.

A great take on the EQ concept within marriage comes from the late Dr. Dave Stoop and his wife, Jan. Both counselors, they led marriage seminars and retreats, and wrote a book together called The Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other.

In it, Dave and Jan develop the EQ concept around the acronym SMART, which describes five facets of emotional intelligence in marriage:

  • S – Self-awareness of what I feel
  • M – Managing my emotions
  • A – Accountability to my spouse and to other couples
  • R – Reading my spouse’s emotions (A.K.A. – Empathy)
  • T – Together in the land of emotion

How can this concept help you and your spouse enjoy a deeper, more intimate relationship?

We’re re-airing a conversation we had with Dave and Jan a few years ago on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. Whether you’re a newlywed or you’ve celebrated your golden anniversary, the Stoops can help you improve your EQ and deepen your love for each other.

Tune in on your local radio station, online, on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, via Google Podcasts, or listen on our free phone app.

Dr. Dave and Jan Stoop’s book The Emotionally Healthy Marriage: Growing Closer by Understanding Each Other is available for a gift of any amount. Click here for more information or give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

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