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Leadership is a journey that often revolves around one fundamental principle: helping others uncover and embrace their authentic selves.
In real estate, especially, this can be challenging. We see others’ success, and we are influenced to mimic their seven-step program. As leaders, our purpose isn’t to mold those we lead into us-shaped figurines but rather to guide them in discovering their own identity.
This process of self-discovery goes beyond simply producing more good leaders; it’s about cultivating individuality and personal growth.
Trust me, I’ve stumbled more times than I’ve succeeded in this, and here are three things I’ve learned along the way.
Evolve into a leader
My leadership evolution has been as much about learning who I am as it has been about recognizing who I’m not. Much of this came from failed attempts to imitate leaders I admired.
Again, it’s easy to get caught up in this in real estate. “Maybe if I act like them, my career will take off.”
Don’t get me wrong — there’s immense value in learning from strong leaders around you. We should absolutely adopt their valuable insights, absorb their wisdom and let them help us smooth out our rough edges. But there’s a significant difference between learning from someone and trying to become them.
Growing up, my parents were avid hosts. My job was to greet the guests at the door. As a seven-year-old, I loved it, and I became quite the little doorman. After welcoming people, I would observe their outfits to see if I had something similar in my wardrobe.
Nearly every time we had company, I would sneak away to my room, find clothes that matched the guest’s attire — whether it was cowboy boots or a jacket — and change into them. Then I’d come back down and wait for the inevitable comment, “Well, isn’t that cute — you two look just alike.” It was always a crowd-pleaser.
My parents still laugh about this story. I wonder, though, if I’m not still doing something similar in my 40s — conforming to who I think I should be in order to find admiration. In order to be accepted. In order to survive.
The question then becomes, what “disguise” are we wearing because we believe being ourselves isn’t enough?
Don’t be like the others
I’m far from the stereotypical CEO. I dislike analyzing finances and data. I wouldn’t say I like math. And I find economics to be wildly boring. These things are not my forte. I’ll tinker with it when I have to, but I simply do not enjoy that side of the business. Believe it or not, it took me 42 years to say that aloud.
When I stepped into my current role, a friend from grad school emailed me after seeing the announcement: “Congrats on the CEO position. Better get yourself a good therapist.” And I did just that.
The work that followed wasn’t so much about refining my professional skills as it was about shedding the identity I thought I needed to uphold. Sometimes, the first step in becoming an effective leader is acknowledging what you’re not.
Through plenty of therapy and hard personal work, I came to realize that I am a storyteller, a cheerleader, a community builder and an untangler of knots. I thrive on helping people untangle difficult situations. I’m at my best when I’m celebrating others’ successes. And I find joy in bringing people together to achieve a common goal that fosters a sense of belonging.
Had I spent my life pretending to be an “economist,” I would have missed out on all of this.
Lead with service
As leaders, whether we’re managing, directing or guiding, our role is to help people dismantle the notion that they aren’t sufficient as they are. Our job then becomes more about helping them know the difference between their true self and their false self, even if their false self is the version that we find more palatable — even if their true self is harder to work with.
This is when narcissism creeps into leadership. When people feel the threat of conforming to survive in their ethos, changing this starts with simply listening and observing others. It comes from the age-old wisdom of “In humility, I consider others above myself.”
The most effective managers I’ve encountered spent more time focused on getting to know me than they did on teaching me how to become a miniature version of them. Sometimes this means getting to know the agents on your team on a deeper level.
For brokers, this sometimes means simply sitting back and observing how an agent handles different situations. Changing people is hard work; listening and observing what brings them alive is not.
On some level, everyone is a leader. You’ve been charged with the task of fostering someone’s growth and success. Leadership is a sacred responsibility and should be handled as such.
The weight of leading well gets much lighter when you let go of the pressure to change people. Being a good leader is not reproducing yourself in another person. Being a good leader is helping that person become the best version of themselves.
Justin Bailey is the CEO of Realty Executives Associates, the largest real estate brokerage in East Tennessee. Connect with Justin on Instagram and Linkedin.
